When I build my tiki bar/office in the back yard, my dream is to have it rigged so it plays haunting Hawaiian steel guitar music every time you open the door. I would also like to have a button under the desk that produces thunder and lightning effects, like in the Tonga Room. I have a small CD collection of tiki-appropriate music: traditional Hawaiian music, 1950s tiki lounge music, the soundtrack to Blue Hawaii, you know how it is.

Still, as convenient as digital music is, it’s also pretty swank to have some tiki records around. I noticed that Forbidden Island Tiki Lounge in Alameda, which mixes some of the best tiki drinks I’ve ever had, uses framed vintage record albums in its decor, and I thought I could borrow a little of that look.
For example, at the amazing Alameda Point Antiques Fair, I got this album of music designed to teach hula dancing to the world’s largest, whitest women:

Sadly, the album no longer includes the instruction booklet with which it was originally packaged, so I still have no idea how to hula.

This beauty was on sale at the Ashby Flea Market for fifty cents. With the booklet still included, even! Are you kidding me, Ashby Flea Market?

Look, it even teaches you helpful Hawaiian phrases!

As I said, I was inspired by Forbidden Island’s collection of albums, but this past weekend I ate at the nicely kitchy Hula’s in Monterey (second location in Santa Cruz) and noticed that they had framed song sheets on the walls. Even classier! I picked this up cheap at an antique store in Salinas.

Also on the wall at Hula’s: a framed copy of Obama’s birth certificate. Maybe next weekend…


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